Quote: Let yourself be found

{what my ride in this morning looked like; photo by the boyfriend}

"Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been
running through the streets trying to find you.
- hafiz

Lot of good changes going on 'round these parts, just super busy. Hope to update soon, right after work slows down a little bit. Keep it rockin', 101ers!

Day 17/30: Ch-ch-ch-changes

Didn't practice yesterday (Wednesday) either. I spent several hours at work yesterday on the phone with various real estate folks, alternately bursting into tears and hollering. It boils down to this: If I did my job the way some of these people have performed theirs, my boss would quickly be showing me the door.

So by the time I got home last night, I was emotionally (which, for me anyway, is the same as physically) spent. Drained. Didn't help that on my walk back to the train station I somehow developed blisters on each foot. Random, right? I couldn't stand even when I wanted to. I've been dizzy, then woke up this morning with swollen glands by my ears and under my jaw. Rad.

This is one of those rare times in my life, going on a couple weeks now, when it's hard to avoid feeling like the universe is plotting against me.

Gawwwd I'm so dramatic.

But things are turning around today. The combination of my breakdown into a crying jag and being very assertive yesterday (to different people) seems to have really lubricated the wheels of the real estate people. Today, I was informed that we will now be closing on a lovely little house at 1 p.m. tomorrow, only a week later than we'd been planning (for months) on. *eyeroll*

And tonight I start my work-study at the yoga studio. I realized this morning that I've really missed sharing in a studio atmosphere. So, I am so excited to have this chance to rejoin that kind of community. It's not that I hope it's just like my old studio, because it can't possibly be. And it shouldn't be. I'm soooo looking forward to finding my place in a new place. :)

Apologies for my whine whine whine.

101-day challengers, you are getting so close!!! It's inspiring to read how people are feeling at this point in their practice. If you aren't sure about what to do on Day 102, why don't you... wait until at least Day 101 to figure it out? Hope you're all well. :)

Day 16: Simple. Good.

After continued real estate infuriation and lots of time wasted last night, I went home and rolled out the mat. Maybe it was because I wasn't as warm as possible, but I really felt every tweak and twinge of my body, particularly my left shoulder/spine/ribcage. I know I'm not the only one with that issue, too.

I've been aware of that torsion (twisting) in my spine for as long as I've been practicing Bikram yoga. From the first "Arms up over your head," when it feels like my torso is twisted to about 11 o'clock on a clock face, and as though my right arm is well forward of my left arm. And then when I try to stay aware of where my body is in space, and keep my arms in the same plane, it feels really exaggerated. Bah. I want to try practicing that motion with my back against a wall.

Lately, though, something has been shifting when I bend to the left in Half-Moon. It's almost like my left shoulderblade is moving toward my shoulder (Wait, is my shoulderblade my shoulder? Maybe I should try to draw this), and forward. It's been a little easier (I use that term extremely loosely) to keep my chin up, and it feels like my left shoulder and armpit are moving not down toward my hips, but instead out and over toward the left side of my mat. The shifting is uncomfortable, but I'm pretty sure it'll be good in the long run. (That last sentence could sum up my life, btw.)

* * *

This post got me thinking about ways to do an inexpensive yoga "retreat." The method I'm planning: Find out, through word of mouth or however, about a good studio with lots of classes, as far away from home as I care to go. Maybe find out where a posture clinic is happening, and attend that studio for several days or a week beforehand. Buy a ten-class pass, maybe.

It could be in a new city, if I feel like exploring or being completely anonymous, or a familiar one, if I'd rather have a sense of where things are and how to get from Point A to Point B (and maybe a friend's couch to crash on?). Accommodations could also be in an inexpensive hotel, or maybe in a tent set up in a beautiful place (as is more my budget). It may not be as consuming, yoga-wise, as an official "retreat" with massages and food and everything taken care of, but I'd like to think that the intention is there. Setting aside real life, and time, and money of course, isn't easy. But I'd like to think I could make this a reality.

Day 15: You win some, you lose some.

Didn't practice last night. I don't even have a good excuse, like I felt sick again or the world was blowing up. I just, didn't do it. Which bothers me. (Five classes shy of my 30 classes in 30 days goal, for what it's worth.)

Instead of practicing, I:
• argued with my boyfriend about our looming house purchase and how ridiculously lame the people responsible for it are acting.
• made lasagna!
• watched "The Hangover" with said boyfriend while we sort of made up over ice cream.
• stared at a census form for longer than it would have taken to fill it out, trying to decide whether to fill it out at all if I'm not going to be living there on April 1 (if the !%$%^$% mortgage folks can get their act together).

I have had this general sense of restless dissatisfaction the past few days. I don't know if it's just stress over the house thing, and lacking control over that process. But I was frustrated in my practice on Saturday (my eyes were really bothering me and it was hard to focus), I cut my finger open on Sunday, then last night I almost came to tears while spreading a cheese mixture over lasagna noodles. It wouldn't spread right and the noodles were not staying in line!!!

Seriously. Fifteen hours later and I'm still irritated about the damn lasagna (which turned out great, despite the deviant noodles).

On the plus side, though, I haven't bitten my fingernails in about two weeks, and I'm loving the pink sparkly polish. So there's that.

I have to run over the the real estate office tonight to turn in some papers (gripe grumble gripe), but after that, it is YOGA TIME. I may not eat dinner. There may be dirty laundry piled higher than my head. My dog might whine and whimper for attention. The lettuce seeds will stay unstarted. But I neeeeeeed to exorcise this aggravation. Or, at the very least, go through motions that will center me, and distract me temporarily from this...

Day 14/30 (part 2): I accomplished what I needed to.

Practice last night (3/14, Pi Day!) was good. The boyfriend got home from an attempted run through mud just as I was starting Awkward Posture. His "run" was less than fulfilling, so he rolled out his mat next to mine, we skipped the iTunes back a few tracks, and he practiced with me. Then he took me out to a kickass dinner.

I'd had grand plans to cook a lot over the weekend. Assuming the next few weeks will be crazy with last-minute new house stuff, I wanted to have healthy, hearty food ready to pop in the oven at night, or ready to grab while we're running out the door in the morning. I stocked up on lots of veggies at the store Saturday, planning to make a soup or two, scones, bread, lasagna, and roasted root vegetables. I also wanted to start seeds for my garden-to-be at the new place...

I made the bread, anyway. (It's good.)

So I didn't get done what I wanted to. But I got in two solid yoga practices, and met with a studio owner to start a work-study program. That's what I needed to do.

Maybe I'll get to the lasagna tonight?

Days 12, 13, 14/30: Ending on a high note

Day 12: Friday. I didn't practice Thursday night because I was headache-y and barfy when I got home from work. Friday, more of the same, plus sore throat. I was in bed at 8:30. Four classes down; this is not good...

Day 13: Saturday. I slept til 10:30 on Saturday morning! I never sleep that much. Crazy. Woke up with the same sore throat, but it went away after a few hours. Thought about going to the $10 karma/donation class at the studio 45 minutes away, but decided to save myself lots of time and do a hot-as-possible class at home. how did I accomplish this? I baked bread and squash all day, so the apartment was warm; it was humid because it's rained for three days; boyfriend built a fire and I ran the space heater; and I left my fleece on over my thermal long-sleeved shirt the whole 90 minutes. Sweaty!

It was probably one of my "worst" home practices. My contact lenses were really bothering me, so it was hard to focus on whichever spot on the wall was representing my eyes or knees at any given time. The lenses just kept moving around. To add to my list of good things about practicing at home: Cursing is less frowned upon. Again, Leo the dog assisted:


(This picture is from a few weeks ago, but this is what he does. Here, his head is tucked under my arm. He was making sure my "exactly forehead" was on my knee.)

Despite the challenging practice, I didn't sleep that well. High winds have accompanied the rain, and we're living in fear that tree branches will come flying through the window at any time. But particularly in the middle of the night.

Day 14: Sunday (today). The real estate office was showing our apartment this afternoon, so we tried to go for a hike. Alas, the place we wanted to go was closed. So we wandered around down by the Hudson instead. (Here's a picture, not by me, of what it looked like.) Walking back to the car, my phone rang with a weird number, so I almost didn't answer it. But then I did, and it was the owner of the 45-minutes-away studio!!! She was calling about work-study, and asked when I could meet her to talk about it. She had a class getting out at 4:30 could I come then?

I raced down there, walked in at 4:33, and walked out at 4:39 with a job! Woooohoooo!!! I start Thursday night, vacuuming and cleaning mirrors (she didn't mention washing towels, but I imagine that'd be part of it, too). I'm so, so, so excited. I have absolutely no idea why she is letting me do this (she doesn't know me at all!), but I am so humbled and honored. Weekend morning doubles, here I come!

Now it's time for me to fire up the heater and roll out the mat. I want to get a good practice in before continuing to cook. I hope you all had a great weekend!

xoxo

11/30: Sick and Tired

Felt barfy and headachy last night on the train ride home. Maybe something in my lunch didn't sit well? So I didn't practice last night. Feel pretty lame about being down three classes again, but there will be doubles this (rainy, therefore climbing-free) weekend. Regardless of how this 30-day challenge looks on March 30, I am stoked that I have already gotten into a habit of practicing more, and being really excited again about this yoga of ours...

We also found out yesterday that the closing on our house, which was supposed to be today, is going to be pushed back at least a week because of mistakes made on the financial folks' end. Ugh. We needed as many weekends as possible to get it ready to move in. Now, we're hoping to have two. I suppose that means I will have extra time to yoga it up, since I won't be shuttling boxes between Home A and Home B. Woohoo!

We're getting my favorite weather here this weekend, a little chilly with rain. Besides the yoga, I hope to start some seeds for a garden — even though I don't yet know where I'm going to put the trays. I have seeds for basil and mixed lettuces. A friend sent kohlrabi seeds from Germany, but I don't know much about that vegetable. It was so fun being a wannabe gardener last year; I hope to grow much more produce this summer!

Happy Friday to each and every one of you. :)