Saturday, January 23, 2010

"If you feel dizzy, nauseous, you must be happy!"

I did my one-day challenge! Yippee!!!

After hiking this morning for a long time, then errands in the afternoon, I was wiped out. Nerve pain from the fibro was kicking in, ughhh... Took a nap, sort of reluctantly, and had the whole mess of negative, self-loathing thoughts:

All I wanted to do today was yoga. Why did I get talked into hiking? I should have just stuck to my guns. Why do I even try to do a challenge? Why do I keep telling myself that yoga is so important, when clearly, it's not that important to me - otherwise I'd be more disciplined and act like it?? I'm so effing exhausted and in pain now, and I won't be able to practice. Why am I taking a nap, anyway? I should be downstairs on my mat.

I *did* make a good choice earlier today, though. The boyfriend was going bouldering, and although my ankle felt strong enough and some of the rock was warm, I decided to not climb, and save my energy for yoga practice. I just hiked and entertained a barking dog, and took pictures. It was *gorgeous* out today, and so nice to be in the sun (even if it was only 30 degrees).

I was grumpy then, but can say that all warm and smiley now, because after the nap, the boyfriend took the dog for a long walk and I fired up the Bikram CD and the space heater. I have been avoiding it, subconsciously I guess. It had always annoyed me, rubbed me the wrong way.

Or so I thought. Tonight, the non-dialogue was just funny. I did every posture, both sets, both sides. Even though my stomach felt gross. Even though I was tired. Even though I had the same excuses I always do. Bikram's notes, like "if you feel dizzy, nauseous, you must be happy!" make me smile, because yep, once again I was dizzy and nauseous. But here I was, practicing anyway. For most people blogging their 101-day challenge, and for myself for years, practicing despite feeling subpar is really no big deal.

But with where I'm at right now, it felt good to have the mental discipline as much as (OK, even more than) the physical discipline.

And when I was done and my boys got home, I was all happy and cuddly with the crazy dog. We walked down to the Thai place and I got spring rolls and amazing tom kha gai soup and mind-blowing jasmine tea. Even now, hours later, my body is tingly all over from the yoga, like I opened up some channels and my chi or prana or all of the above are flowing.

The other Bikram blogs out there are amazing to read... so inspiring, and with tons of insight (both physical and metaphysical) and support. Love this community, even when (especially when?) it's just me, the heater, and the CD.


  1. Big yay!!! Practicing by yourself is great, but it's SO hard to get started. Inertia is a powerful force!! You did so well by getting yourself over that hump. Now it will be easier next time!

    I adore the CD, by the way. It always makes me laugh, especially when he starts singing... "Don't look so sad... it's not o-o-ver... long way from home... to kill yourself... that's why you pay for... that's why I am heeere..."

  2. How funny! I was singing that to my boyfriend after doing the CD class, and he looked at me like I was crazy.

    "I am not a Cheesecake Factory!"