Day 20: Not two-thirds done.

I so wish I'd been able to practice this yoga on each of 30 days. (That brings to mind the saying, "If wishes were fishes..." — what does that even mean?) But this month, it wasn't to be... It did, however, get me into the chiropractor's office, and on a path to minimizing daily pain. If the primary goal of every endeavor is to learn even one little thing, then I've met that, as I've learned a bunch by trying to complete this challenge.

Last night, the BF was out hiking with the dogs when I got home, so I did two sets of each posture in the standing series, and a single set of the remaining postures before they got home. The dogs needed baths IMMEDIATELY, smelling vile after rolling in who-knows-what. Once they were clean and fluffy, I went back to my mat and goofed around with more postures. I did a few sets of standing head to knee on both sides, a couple standing bow pulling poses, and some other random postures. Anything involving toes touching your head is a hell of a lot easier in a warm studio, you know?

Something possessed me to work on headstands. They, like my living room's floor, are HARD!

One thing I really appreciate about a home practice is the flexibility to do an extra set of postures, or hold something just a little bit longer than we would in class. I'm not sure anyone really likes standing head to knee, but I am enjoying it for now because I've been feeling a progression in it, especially as my hips start to even out. On my 30 Before 30 list, I have "Do 29 backbends." I love backbends, I really do, but I'm thinking of editing that to-do, changing it to "Do 29 standing head to knees." So much more of a challenge. We'll see...

Days 17/18: Disappointed | Day 19: Bittersweet

I ended up taking off all of last week. After my surprisingly awesome double on Sunday (9/12), I didn't practice again until yesterday (9/19). It was a strong class, and fairly flexible, but the goodness of it was bittersweet. I would rather have had a mediocre class with daily practice leading up to it, but (to use an expression I really dislike) it is what it is. I am ridiculously sore today, and my hamstrings feel loose and floppy like shoelaces. But it's all good.

I read Mei's post, and made a phone call about the competition. Apparently advanced classes are available to people training (is that even the right word?) for the competition. They are during my work days, but maybe I could get to at least one. I still have no idea what my two optional postures would will be.

I noticed some tiny alignment changes in the mirror yesterday. It's nice to see some results from the S&M beatdowns from the chiropractor. :) And, in a sign of progress on that front, I'm down to one day a week with her.

Looking forward to doing my — our, really — yoga tonight. I love practicing with mirrors, but I learn a lot by practicing without them, too. Especially in my left hip, I'm getting to really feel the alignment from the inside, out.

The outdated browsers on my work computer are incompatible with Facebook working in more than a cursory way, so I've stopped wasting time there. (Which is good, because this is a busy time of year here at the mag.) I have, however, filled all that time with reading blogs by Bikram yogis and yoginis. Congratulations to those just starting teacher training! I hope they have an incredible experience in my old hometown.

And I hope you all had a stellar weekend. :)
xoxo

Day 13: Getting frustrated

First things first: No yoga last night. I'm now two classes down, again. My goal wasn't just to do 30 classes in 30 days (which I'm fairly optimistic I can still do). I'd wanted to do at least one class every day for at least 30 days. So: Grrrrrr.

The midback pain that I initially went to the chiropractor for seems to be resolving quite well. My spine feels straighter, and now that the initial insane muscle soreness has passed (despite Dr. E's continued efforts to leave me black and blue), my back-back is feeling pretty good. My lower back, on the other hand...

Dr. E has been working on moving my left hip around, trying to get it to want to become unstuck. Not forcing anything, but gradually opening things up in there.

My, how they are opening.

The shooting, stabbing pains in my sciatic area started a few hours after yesterday's appointment. The long-compacted SI joint seems like a creaky door that has been shut tightly for years, and is going to need some coaxing to stay open. That groan the door makes when you open it? I think my joint is making that noise. I took ibuprofen (Advil), then naproxen (Aleve) later on. Left a heating pad on it while sitting at my desk. Seemed to help.

Then I stood up and tried to walk, and the joint screamed at me. Two hours later, sitting at home, after more ibuprofen, I had an ice pack on the joint. The pain was so bad that I felt like I was going to vomit. So, no yoga last night either, causing me to be pretty frustrated.

Last night, I went upstairs to find feathers everywhere and two holes in my not-new-but-until-now-awesome down comforter. Lucy, the 7-month-old puppy, had a guilty look on her face.

She is cute, but she is sneaky.

It was the last straw for me. She had already chewed through the only decent pairs of shoes I had. (I'm not a shoe whore, but now I think I should be. It would have been nice to have backup shoes.) My car is falling apart. My computer is falling apart. Because of my weight gain since moving to NY, a lot of my clothes don't fit. I am flat broke, and I can't seem to catch up on basic things in life outside of utilities, train passes, and credit card payments (and believe me, I am incredibly grateful that I mostly have those under control, but this is my freakout). I'd wanted to visit San D in November, visit my friends and some family and my old beaches and Bikram teacher training, but I have no idea where money for airfare is going to come from. I'm not a materialistic person by any means, but is it so much to just ask for one thing, just one, to be in reasonably good shape? Normally, in the face of such destruction/dilapidation, I can say, "Well, at least I've got my health." Not this time.

That's right. I went from superkilling back pain to total freakout just like that. I spent the next 20 minutes or so wailing in the bathroom — didn't want to wake the BF — torturing myself with questions like, Is it (this nebulous "it") karma? Is it fibro, which I recently thought I'd been so good at appeasing, rearing its ugly head? Do I deserve this pain and this instability (inside and out, I guess) because of something I've done (or didn't do)? On and on and on it went, verging on self-pity but (I hope) not totally giving in. It's more frustration, I promise.

And then I remembered all the times that people have told me we store emotions in our bodies. So hopefully that is all this is. I'm a control freak about very few things, but I think maybe some of those tendencies are coming out, as maybe all of the bodywork I've been having has accelerated the process.

But it'd sure be nice to not be frustrated. And it'd be nice to be able to walk/sit/breathe without my nerves screaming at me.

Gahhh, this is quite the unfocused rant, but that's what blogs are for, right? If you've read this far, well, I apologize. At least you got to see my cute dogs. :)

Just in time for National Yoga Month! (with a long aside)

I'm planning on doing a 30-day challenge in September. Not just because it's on my 30 Before 30 list. There are a couple of answers to "Why do this now?"

1. September actually has only 30 days. Just four months can claim that! For some reason, it works better in my mind this way. I think I'd be inclined to excuse myself for one day if I were to challenge in a 31-day month. This may make no sense, at all, but it's how my brain works... Also, it isn't cold yet, so I can get a good sweat on even in a mostly-home practice.

2. My life finally has a semblance of routine: I work at the yoga studio one night and one day a week. I go to work and I come home and I play with dogs. Sometimes I cook, sometimes the boyfriend does. It's all very boring, but I wouldn't have it any other way. (Well, that's not entirely true. I wish I could magically transport myself to work in an instant, but it's not going to happen, and I love where I live and I love where I work, so. That's that.)

3. The New York asana competition is in October, and participating is also on my 30 Before 30 list. Doing this challenge will help me prepare for that in a couple ways. Getting stronger with postures. Getting stronger in general. Losing a couple of pounds (maybe). Developing Bikram's five aspects of the mind (that's a great link; you should click it!): faith, determination, self-control, concentration and patience. Taking part in the competition might not happen, however, because 1) My emails to Bikram Yoga NYC have gone unanswered; 2) I can't seem to find anything about this year's competition, including a date, and 3) My back is kind of angry.

Aside/explanation about the back; feel free to skip this:

I've had lower back pain on and off for years now, and I'm used to it, and it's a dull-ache kinda thing. Yoga helps, etc, etc. I love, LOVE backbending. However, over the past three weeks to a month, I've developed pretty bad pain and stiffness in my midback. Well, the muscles have always been tight, but now my spine really feels stiff. Backbending HURTS. Feels like a metal rod is in my spine.

In a trip to the chiropractor Wednesday (the first such visit in over two years), I learned that the apex of my pain is right at the apex of my spine's scoliotic curve, like the point on the left side of this character: < . OK, maybe it's not quite that severe, but it feels like it! I also learned that my spine is more of a wreck than I had assumed/accepted. The doc actually asked me, "What happened to you?" as though she thought I'd been in a car accident, or something. Maybe she was hoping to keep steady any business from me. Not to worry, doc.

It was interesting to hear her rundown of my structural issues, as her observations actually validated a lot of perceptions (proprioceptions?) I'd had. For example, even when my feet are together, toes and heels touching, I feel like my left hip is waaay forward of the right one. And I feel like my head is constantly tilted to the right. And like my right shoulder is trying to reach forward to touch my wacky left hip. (This explains why my half-moon to the right comes extremely naturally — I'm already halfway there.) And on and on. And I was right!!!

Well, she did some work on my neck (my chin goes straight down now! Yay!) and my wonky lower back, and although I was sore yesterday, it was a good sore. Just like I've heard at yoga, my body didn't get into so much pain overnight; it's unreasonable to expect it to get awesome overnight.

That doesn't, however, keep me from wanting it to be awesome overnight. In Thursday's class, I still had the midback pain, and in the first backbend I just tried to breathe through the pain/fear (about which a post is started and sitting in draft version). The second one I did OK, though nowhere near its usual depth. The last thing I wanted to do was jam everything up. Which brings me back to...

End aside/explanation. Sheesh, that was long.

4. My back is kind of angry. A challenge, undertaken with care and concern and compassion, can work wonders for my spine, especially in concert with chiropractic.

What I hope to learn from you, lovelies, is why you do challenges. And what are some of the biggest obstacles to completing them? How do you address those obstacles? I won't be able to use the "I don't have enough time" excuse most days. My time commitment will be exactly 90 minutes (or however long the CD really is), since at least three days a week I'll be practicing at home. It's nice to have dealt with that excuse (my favorite, by the way) up front. Let's see if I don't talk myself out of it. :)

It's good to blog again. If you're a blogger, yoga-related or otherwise, know that I am always inspired (or at least entertained!) by what you've been writing. I so look forward to hearing your thoughts!

"Long way from home, to kill yourself..."

So I've been keeping up on my little challenge so far. For two weeks in a row, I've practiced three times each week. The first week, it was three full-length Bikram classes! The second week, it was one single-set class and two regular classes. Only the first class of all six was in a studio, but that's OK. I can bundle with the best of 'em.

I was sweating almost immediately yesterday! I wonder if, after the past few years of classes, there's some kind of muscle/body memory that tells my pores to open wide as soon as I start the Pranayama breathing? My iTunes crashed after Fixed Firm pose yesterday, so I did the remaining postures in silence... It was nice.

I got to hold Camel as long as I wanted (yes, I'm one of those sickos who really enjoys it), so I stayed upside-down for ten long, deep, slow breaths. But I made a deal with myself: I have to stay in Rabbit posture for the same length of time that I hold Camel. My upper and middle back are so stiff (e.g. 90-degree backbends from my lower back, wonkily wrapped arms in Eagle, miserable floor bow, among others) that I really have to constantly think about rounding "360 degree angle," and lifting my hips to stretch my back. A teacher once said going into this posture should be like "curling in on yourself like a cinnamon roll." I like that visual, even though it makes me just a little bit hungry sometimes. Increasing flexibility in my upper back is a big goal of mine.

After practicing yesterday, I went on a reeeeeaaaally cold hike with B and the dog along the face of Mount Beacon (an old fallback that takes an hour flat. We call it Leo's Loop). It was so nice to see the sun set over the river. Between the yoga and the hike, I'm sore today. It feels good! :)

About that challenge (with lots of parentheticals).

Yesterday was day three of this yoga challenge that I wanted to do, and I've done one class. One class that totally, thoroughly, completely kicked my ass (my quads are still sore), but that's irrelevant. I want to be three for three. In my head, anyway, this yoga isn't like baseball, where a .333 batting average is good.

I come up with excuses: My sciatic is killing me. My throat/chest/maybe-ulcer hurts. I really need the sleep. If I stay up late and practice, I'll miss time with the boyfriend. It goes on and on. Maybe it's a case of knowing a little bit about too many things, but I also see this excuse-making/lethargy as a symptom of depression. Am I depressed? I dunno. I don't think so. I am crazy stressed out about buying a house and finances and the political climate and blah blah blah, but HELLO: It's all kind of just more excuses.

Tracking back to find the original post about the 40 Days to Yoga Freedom, I saw a link to another blog by a woman named Carissa. She's friends with Lindsay, of *shanti*love*yoga*. She has this to say:

you have to decide what matters. well, i have to decide what matters.

the truth is, we all live different lives and have our own challenges. we have weather, we have stresses, we have no money, we have no studio nearby, we have children and families and chores and community commitments and crazy bosses and nosey neighbors and bills to pay and traffic to sit in and a MILLION reasons not to do anything. but, this is not something i want to excuse anymore. time for some new commitments.

So here are my new commitments.

Practice a half-hour, three times a week, at home. (Ooh! I could totally do at least an hour on weekend days. But I'm getting ahead of myself.) Doesn't have to be Bikram stuff. Even though restorative yoga usually annoys me, it might be good for this chaotic time. Feel so much better, remember why you love yoga in the first place. If all goes according to plan (big, hearty laugh at "plan")), get more addicted and practice more.

B and I are planning (there I go again, using the p word) on fasting tonight, so I have "dinnertime" to do my yoga. I am so lucky that he is into it too. It's nice to have that support and enthusiasm...

Day one, part two

So I set up in the front row, and kind of felt lame doing so. I didn't want to be "that girl," that person who waltzes into a studio like she owns the place without paying any kind of dues. I asked the woman who was already set up a little back and to my right if my mat was OK, and said I didn't want to be rude, to which she replied, "It's just yoga." I like being in the front because I can work on my wonky alignment, and I like the extra little bit of pressure to not slack when there are new students behind me.

But by awkward pose, I was having a hard time. Head pounding, difficulty keeping my breathing calm and under control. So I backed off a bit in both sets of each posture. Diane, who is warm and funny and makes you kick your own ass while you have no idea what's going on, gave me a great correction in Standing Head to Knee pose about standing up straighter before I begin to kick out. I'm fortunate to have something to remember, some nugget to take away from this class. Hell, I'm lucky I remember anything from this class.

I wanted to do a strong Standing Bow Pulling Pose — it's one of my favorite postures and on most days, I can do it pretty well. :) I thought that if I could do that strongly, it'd give me confidence, energy and momentum to keep going and head into the spine-strengthening series feeling good. By the time the second set of the posture was over, I was happy to count 10 seconds standing on one foot. Diane did mention something about me having a stronger Standing Bow after the correction in the previous posture — gonna have to revisit that connection soon.

A few more postures of barely hanging in there; I think I only managed one set of everything through Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee (including a Triangle that I was very proud of). Then Tree. I met my eyes in the mirror and tried to concentrate on them as everything else just fuzzed out. Come on, Catherine, you can stand up. Just breathe... Breathe, you can do this, I kept telling myself. But I couldn't. I couldn't even just stand there. I've fainted a couple times in my life, and this was really close to that. So I knelt down, for both Tree and Toe Stand, and the tears came. Were they because of the pain in my chest? Head? Frustration at not being a yoga rock star? Embarrassment for setting up in the first row, then sucking? Probably (e), all of the above.

I had had these grand intentions of dedicating my practice. To victims of the earthquake in Haiti. To people everywhere who fight for human rights. To healing for my cousin, who is recovering from getting hit by an SUV last month in L.A.

But nothing could have been further from my mind. I felt like I just had to survive the class, which is, of course, totally ridiculous in hindsight. But that opened the gateway to letting go, and that led to compassion. One post in this Bikram 101 blogging ring talks about this, with direction from a quote by Rolf Gates. "When we let go of something, our hand opens and we are able to receive." This could apply to so many things in the last three years of my life, but right now, it can just be about the yoga.

I took it easy through the rest of class, doing every posture, despite my growing sense that at any moment a hole would surely open up right in the middle of my chest, and some monster would crawl out of the base of my esophagus and join us for Half-Tortoise pose.

I was parched, but thought water would only worsen my digestive discomfort. It took about 15 minutes to normalize my heart rate after class. Judy came back into the studio, all cool skin and chill energy, and wrapped herself around me before rubbing my back. Luckily for me, Audrey dumped electrolytes into my water bottle as I staggered around the lobby.

I knew the ladies and their respective companions and I were going out, but a few more people joined us for dinner at Local Burger, a cool little spot. Turns out that of eight people, I was one of two nonteachers there. Diane went, and even though I wasn't sitting near her, she just bubbled with enthusiasm and positive energy. I'm dying to take more classes from her.

The studio's former owner, Charlie, was there too, and was fun to talk with over sweet potato fries. Stephanie, the woman I'd set up in front of, owns a studio near Las Vegas, Bikram Yoga Summerlin. At least two of the blogs I read have mentioned these teachers or studios, so I felt even more tied in to this amazing community.

Despite feeling like I had a horrible class and I didn't do anything physical, I'm still sore 48 hours later. And my guts are feeling a little better. There are so many reasons to do this yoga. Monday night reminded me of them. Can't wait to practice tonight.

Day One, part one

Date: Jan. 18, 2010, 5:30 p.m.
Studio: Bikram Yoga Northampton
Teacher: Diane Ducharme

At least I got to go to Trader Joe's.

That was my initial thought a few minutes after class ended last night. I'm pretty sure it was the worst class of my yoga life. I tried to do at least one set of every posture, but I was swaying like a sapling in a hurricane as tree pose began, and I had to just sit down and stay down. I DID have a strong second set of triangle (after sitting out the first set), and didn't slide out into the splits, so I'll count that as one of many tiny victories.

The overwhelming feeling as I drove away from the studio at 9:30 was one of pure gratitude: for this yoga, for this amazing community both online and "in real life," for old friends who somehow stay close, and for new friends and sources of wisdom.

Audrey, a friend from Salt Lake, and her man bought the Bikram studio in Northampton (which, I believe, is missing an "h," but maybe that's just me), Massachusetts, effective Jan. 1. Another SLC friend, Judy, who teaches in Saratoga Springs, is even closer with Audrey. So when Judy took this weekend off to go to the Rajashree (Bikram's wife) seminar at Kripalu, and I had the day off for Martin Luther King, Jr., Day, we decided we'd go take class together. I don't drive to work anymore; what's a couple hours in the car? Plus, I could go to Trader Joe's. And meet Judy's new friend from the seminar.

Monday dawned, and with it, a migraine (barking dog does not help). Oh yeah, and I think I might be developing an ulcer. This weird feeling of pressure where my esophagus meets my stomach hasn't gone away in a week. I'm not prone to digestive ailments. It feels better, briefly, when I burp. And it turned out that lovely-I've-never-taken-her-class-but-at-least-she's-my-friend-Audrey wouldn't be teaching Monday night. Instead, legendary teacher Diane Ducharme would. Eeeeeek!!

So I was a little tentative. Decided to wear waterproof mascara and pretty dangling earrings, trying to keep in mind that if I looked good, I'd feel good (well, better). I ate a couple pieces of toast with butter and jam, then took off on my three-hour (I had to run some errands first) jaunt.

It was really lovely out, warmish and sunny skies. Unfortunately, sun+driving concentration+crappy Connecticut drivers=worse migraine. Ugh. About 3, I took an Aleve. Didn't help. An hour and a half before class, I ate four pieces of sushi from Trader Joe's, where I was sooooo happy to go and stock up on stuff, as there isn't one very close to where I live. It was good to get something in my belly — it stopped the gnawing, roiling feeling I had going on. Still had a migraine. Lame!

At the studio, saw my friends and their friends. It was sooo great to see Audrey, and pass along words of encouragement and a big hug from one of my friends who had been her biggest fan/student in Sandy (Utah). Met the superintimidating and scary senior Bikram teacher, Diane. Just kidding! She wasn't any of that at all. She was warm, and totally put all the new students at ease. "All you have to do is breathe," she said. "Everything else is optional."

2 days, 2 classes!

B and I (and Leo) hiked Saturday around the quarry and took some pictures. I even did yoga in a couple of them. If they don't look ridiculous, maybe I'll put one up here! It was chilly and my left hamstring started bugging me (but my ankle did not! woohoo!). When we got home B took a nap. I was tired, but the yoga bug hit me and I did this YogaToday class with Neesha. It was fun, but I couldn't believe how hard it was to lift even an inch or two off the floor in the last bridge/backbend poses. I was swearing, but in a happy, cosmic, playful way... you'll have to do a few classes "with" her and you'll know what I mean...

Yesterday was full of cooking and errands and general catching up. After dinner, I was looking forward to watching a movie while waiting for bread to rise, then figured I'd do a yoga class during the bread's second rise, then clean up while the bread was in the oven (multitasker much?). And my feet hurt really, really badly from being barefoot (in the kitchen, natch) all afternoon/evening.

But B didn't want to watch a movie. While he was shaving, he had some sort of crisis about turning 34 this year, and getting out of shape. So he wanted to do yoga. We did this YogaToday class with Adi, the gentle asskicker. B must not be in too bad shape, because he could sit with his legs crossed, with his hands next to his hips, then lift his whole body off the ground. Maybe he wanted to show off? Jerkface.

The video was moving along great, until it wasn't. It crashed Firefox, then the same spot in the video crashed Safari. Bummer! But rather than throw in the (totally dry as this is not Bikram yoga) towel, we fired up iTunes and did the last 15 minutes of Adi's "Yoga for Rock Climbers (and Their Wannabe Climber Girlfriends)" class. She kills, KILLS the abs in every one of her classes, whether it's a full hourlong one, or a half-hour blog one, or this 10-minute one. I suppose that's what it takes to get abs like hers. That, and being a yoga teacher (and probably a climber, too).

So. Can I make it three in a row and practice tonight? We will see! Dinner is mostly prepped, so I can't use that as an excuse. Hamstring still hurts, and so does left forearm, so I need the yoga. Am loving reading the blogs at (and linked to from) Bikram 101. Been finding so many gems, insights, and other words of wisdom among those practicing in this little cybersangha...

Namaste, y'all!

Happy New Year!

I took class on New Year's Day up at Hot Yoga Saratoga, about two hours north of where I live. my old, dear friend Judy teaches several classes a week there, and the stars and our schedules aligned last week to let me take her class. Yippee!!

It was my first class back in the hot room in over a month, since Nov. 29 when I went to a studio in San Diego. I'd done a couple of Ashtanga and one or two Anusara classes since with the lovely ladies at YogaToday, but there really is nothing like being in front of a mirror, body and ego bared, and ready to sweat out the issues in my tissues.

It was strange; Judy mentioned to one or two people that I was her friend, and one of them asked me if I was a teacher, too. My response surprised me: "Not yet." Where did that come from? Yoga in general, and teacher training in particular, have been so far from my mind lately...

Class was good. Packed, but good. I think I had a bit of an attitude when I went in, as I was upset about how snugly my top was fitting. When I weighed myself at my parents' house in San D at Thanksgiving, I was about about 15 pounds over my healthy weight, and about 20 from where I would really love to be (the same number as when I last wore that top). I kept repeating two words in my head: compassion, action. Respect where you are right now, and any limitations that might entail. Love your body for what it does for you, while actively making it healthier. I guess that's my New Year's mantra? (Are mantras allowed to be that long? That doesn't exactly flow in a chant-y, mantra-y way...)

As far as postures go... Everything was a challenge. StandingAttempting to stand on one leg for 60 seconds is the best rehab I can do for the ankle. For the first time possibly ever, I touched my forehead to my knee in Standing Head to Knee Pose (Dandayamana - JanuShirasana) without falling backward. Maybe the rehab has helped me learn to keep my weight more in the ball of my foot at all times? More likely—I was really lucky and in the zone...

Got a bit of an attitude adjustment in the spine-strengthening series. :) With students' mats so close together, there's bound to be some overlapping of appendages in Full Locust Pose, when we start laying on our stomachs (legs together, arms outstretched like a "T"), then lift everything up. (One girl mentioned before class that she'd been whacked in the face once before during this pose.) Judy had joked that we'd get really friendly with our neighbors in this class; well, she didn't know the half of it... the woman next to me, who'd been kidding around all class (which you just don't do, especially in the front row) rested her hand on my butt. Several times. Now, if that wasn't a message that I needed to chill out and not take everything so seriously, I don't know what was. I mean, it wasn't appropriate, but it certainly wasn't going to cause the apocalypse. Who knows—maybe the energy exchange helped? I felt pretty strong flying "like a 747, jumbo jet liftoff."

Also during the spine-strengthening series: Floor Bow. This pose has always irritated me, as I feel that because backbends are easy, my back should just take the hint and fold up in this posture, too. It's always been a struggle to get my weight off of my hips and onto my belly. Also, I think I haven't figured out how to hold onto my feet and relax my shoulders at the same time, which (I think) would let my chest lift up and back. There was that one time, though, in summer 2007 (I think) when my old teacher Alex lifted me up from my ankles to illustrate the pose's potential teardrop shape. Hoping to get back to that...

Judy helped me in the second set of Half-Tortoise by pushing down on my back and holding my hips down as I came up at the end. I don't know if my back muscles are crazy tight, but it has always been really hard to keep my butt on my heels in this posture. I think my back muscles are really shortened, which is why backbends are easier than forward bends.

No other postures are standing out in my mind challenge-wise, 72 hours after the class... but I'm still sore. Toward the end of class, Judy mentioned something about people going home and eating leftovers and I almost threw up on the spot, so I must have done a fair amount of detoxing. It felt good to be in there again, even if I hated looking at my body. (It wasn't so bad once class started; it's hard to worry about fat rolls when refrains of "one knee, lamppost, unbroken" are buzzing in my ears.)

So that's where I'm at. Rededicated? I don't know. I really want to be. I know that to practice every day, I have to commit to practicing every day and stop thinking of it as optional. "But it's so hard," she whines, "when there are a million other things that need to get done. Like sleep." We'll see how it goes. Something is better than nothing. Getting out of bed is the hardest part.