Thursday, September 2, 2010

Day 2: What if I don't want to trust the process?

little duck key bridge
photo via flickr/andy z

Trust the process.

I've (of course) never been, but apparently teachers-to-be hear this nonstop while at Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. But does it apply to us regular ol' students, too?

Right now, I hope not, because I really don't want to trust the process. My body hurts, and I'm frustrated, and I am cranky, dammit!

Some weird stuff has coincided with the onset of this mid-back pain. My digestion has been off. I realized that nerves branch out from everywhere in our spine, so I wouldn't be surprised if some of the nerves in my mid-back feed my guts (no pun intended). If the nerves are pinched or otherwise compromised, that affects my guts. Instead of sitting funny and having my leg fall asleep, my back is situated oddly and my intestines fell asleep.

Visits to the chiropractor seem to have helped with my back's structure, if not its pain.

Thursday night in class, I had a total meltdown once we hit the floor series. I was frustrated at the continuing back pain. I was frustrated with being frustrated. I was frustrated at having so much fear that the pain would continue. I've often heard in Bikramland the saying, "This is the pain that kills the pain." There's no harm in trusting that, for now.

I feel like I'm at one end of the bridge in the picture above. I know that the other end is out there, somewhere. I know it's there. I just have to believe that I can get there.


  1. 'what if i don't want to trust the process?'

    haha, that made me laugh heartily, because throughout my challenge, a fellow yogi would randomly say 'trust the process' to me, as a way to cheer me up or cheer me on.

    would you go Bikram crazy on me if i did the same for you to cheer you on your challenge?

    yay for Day 2 for you!

  2. I would watch that pain. Because they may be linked... That pain could actually be caused by something wrong with your digestive system. It isn't always the other way around.
    In the medical field, its called Referred Pain. Sometimes a pain in the mid back can be caused by a problem with the stomach (if its between the scapulae), liver or gallbladder(below scapulae). So definitely keep an eye on both of those things together.
    And for that matter, I would focus less on the spine bends etc, but really focus on the compression postures that are linked towards GI health, like any of the head to knee ones and the deep forward bends.
    I'm not pretending to be an expert by any means. :) It's just what I would do... But I'm borderline obsessive about my body performing as it should.

  3. @Lala - I'm so glad you laughed. I would *not* go Bikram crazy on you; thank you!!

    @Elle - I, too, am borderline-obsessive about peak performance... And while I appreciate your insights about this, the problems are pretty much *definitely* originating in my spine. If I had neither a history of deformities nor current deformities and instabilities, I'd be more inclined to look at digestive causes. And if, once my spine is straight again and the supporting muscles around it are built back up, I still have digestive issues, well, then I'll get that checked out.

    The locations of organs in relation to the skeletal system is really interesting! My mother had gall bladder problems that she only noticed as back pain.

    The good news, though, is that over the past two weeks (coinciding with chiro treatment), my guts have improved. :) Yahooooo for that!

  4. in that case, trust the process, lady! you know you want to :)

    i think my studio is doing a challenge in october but i'll have to start mine a week early to participate, so i'll 'run' with you the last mile or so.

    yay for gut fixings (no, not from dinuguan :p)

  5. My comment is sooooo late, but I just had to add this. So glad to hear your guts have improved. I get that same gut problem sometimes ;-) I typically thought that gut problems were caused by stressed, but maybe there IS something to the spine idea... hmm...

    p.s. This is maybe the best comment ever. It took guts to write it!